I'm with someone who has mom issues. I know this now, after several years of living together.
I remember the first Mother's Day after we'd moved in together, I expected a nice breakfast waiting for me. Nope. Not even a card. Not even a cup of coffee. Not even a "Happy Mother's Day." Nobody in the house said a word. I got a bit irritated by it because really all I wanted was breakfast. Steve pretty much avoided me all day, working out in the garage and doing his own thing. I kept wondering what I did wrong--I went about things as usual and hoped he'd say something.
He ended up getting mad at me because I pushed the subject a little. He never explained himself; he just sent his daughter down to the Rip Off Store (the overpriced clothing store) to get me a gift certificate.
I don't think he spoke to me much the rest of the day.
And since I make a big deal out of Father's Day, no matter WHAT father or grandfather happens to be around, I didn't understand the anticlimatic reaction to Mother's Day that I got. I was extremely close to my father and as of this summer he will have been gone for 20 years. But I don't let that turn every Father's Day into a miserable reminder that he's gone. I just choose to celebrate the good Fathers who are still here.
But then I got to know Steve a little better, and realized that he still misses his mom terribly.
He really respected and looked up to his mom, and she died of cancer after a terrible fight with it in 1996. Honestly, after I heard Steve talk about his mom's last days--it left quite an impression on me. I could hear in his voice the sadness when he described all the different desperate efforts to keep her alive, once her cancer started to really take over. We have a lot of people come and go in our lives but I could see that her loss had still weighed very heavily on him.
So, when I was asked to help with the American Cancer Society, the first thought that came to my mind was Steve's mom. Of course I've lost many to cancer but none of those losses have affected me like hers did with him. I wanted to do something for him. And her.
I don't know when I finally realized that my wishes to have a nice Mother's Day breakfast cooked for me were probably never going to come true--but eventually I came to that conclusion. A card would be nice--but we'll see.
