Ever feel like you don't belong somewhere? Besides the obvious situations, like being a heavy metal fan and you're sitting in a country-western bar....
I mean feeling like the odd man out, the sore thumb, a whore in church. Now, let me make it clear I don't feel like a whore in church. I just understand the saying as it goes.
Ever since I began campaigning, I have learned that I have to be immersed in the local government issues. I have to be able to rattle off statistics, budget numbers, facts and figures, and I have to speak off the cuff when it comes to positive ideas on how to run our city. People expect me to be "on" all the time. Doesn't matter where I'm at. I can understand that requirement when I'm knocking on doors talking to voters, but I don't understand why someone would expect it when I'm trying to have fun with friends at a party. A couple of weeks ago two friends were celebrating their 10th anniversary, they'd invited about 50 people over. They were kind enough to let me get petition signatures while I was there, which of course I took full advantage of. But then after a couple of hours I put the petitions away and I was able to relax. Initially it was tough because I'd been campaigning all week, I had been so focused, and I was tongue tied when it came to just hanging out and goofing off. Eventually I was able to assimilate and talk about important things like going boating on the lake, the weather, my changes in hair color, and what my son's been up to lately.
But then someone wanted to talk politics. He was in my face, grilling me about my core issues, hammering me left and right on things that I kept trying to answer him about--but he couldn't hear me over his own condescending voice and the loud music.
It was then that I realized, no matter what I do I just can't "belong." If I'm hanging out at a garage party, I'd better be "on." If I'm having lunch with a friend at a restaurant, I'd better be "on." If I'm at my son's school for an awards assembly, I'd better be "on." If I'm at home I'd better not expect it to be a friendly and relaxed environment--I've gotta be "on." And so on. And on.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to just flip the switch "off" once in a while, and not pay dearly for it? Whether it be with a potential voter who will tell ALL of their friends that Shawna's a flakey flake--or with Steve who will ream me up and down because I wasn't Miss Congeniality 100% of the time----geez I'd like to just turn it off sometime.
Last week during my graduation I joked with a gal who's gotten to know me a little over the past year. She commented that I'm quite a chameleon. When it's time to wear the suit and be proper, I'm there. When it's time to let my hair down and have fun, I'm there as well. I've never thought of it that way, and maybe if I stick it in my brain I'll be able to stay "on" without so much trouble.
