I'm not married, but I play a married person on t.v.
Just kidding.
But when you live with someone for this long, it's pretty much like a marriage. And, rightfully so, it should be taken as seriously as a marriage.
I've been participating in this thing called a Marriage Boot Camp, and I'm glad to say that over the past couple of months I've learned some interesting things.
1. If there's an issue that is tearing up the relationship and making you fight with each other, do not try to resolve it by beating it to death. That old saying, "Don't go to bed mad," isn't exactly sound advice. Let it go for the time being. Talk about it in one week, two weeks--whatever it takes to get cooled off.
2. Email is evil when it comes to communicating with your spouse. You might think it's safe because you can hit that "backspace" button when you've typed something a bit too harsh--but email will lead you down a road to very very poor communication.
Talk. Don't email.
3. Watch your mouth. Never say something that you will regret later. Once you put something out there, something mean, it is like opening a feather pillow into the wind. Those horrible words go flying out everywhere and you can't catch them to put them back in.
4. What you SEE is not what you will get. You will get what you DO. In other words, if you show love, you will get it back.......hopefully. And succeeding in a relationship isn't contingent on you finding the right person--it's YOU being the right person.
5. Challenge yourself to actually sit and have a conversation with your spouse that is completely non-logistical. Meaning, no talking about what needs to be done around the house, what chores there are, etc. Do this at least once per day. Once you set your mind to it, you'll realize just how much you DON'T talk about the small stuff. How pretty the flowers are outside. How nice the weather is. Something fun you'd like to do.
6. Challenge yourself to touch your spouse once per day, at least. Not necessarily hugging or embracing, just a touch to the hand or arm. You don't realize how little this is happening until you pay attention to it.
7. The more educated and intelligent a couple is, the more likely they are to have silent standoffs. It's not stubborn, it's intelligent. They don't want to say something they'll regret, and they know that fighting will not solve things. The hard part is getting over the issue and talking calmly. Get past the frustration and find it in your brain to sit down and discuss things. Remember that you're talking to the person that you love.
It's neat that this series of advice can come via the internet--because I can ignore the emails until I have time to sit down and digest the information. Sometimes I have to read the emails several times before it sinks in. Being 36 years old, I tend to get in the mindset that I don't have the ability to change. Of course that isn't correct. It takes quite a bit of effort, but it can be done.
