Did I Mention It's HOT???

I (being a brainiac) didn't trim our palm trees until this week. It should've been done back in May, but I told myself it wasn't necessary. It's only about 116 degrees right now, down from July's average of 120, and there's quite a bit of humidity because we're in what's called the monsoon season. We get like 60 percent humidity (yes, I know, you think that's a joke) but 60% added to 116 degrees equals AFRICA HOT. There were a couple of times when I stood up and almost passed right out, from the heat. But, the trees HAD to be done. I've got a busy few months ahead of me and putting it off anymore would've been a big mistake.
There's 7 palms, and 4 of them are big. So I had to use a Saws-All to trim them and each tree yielded a 5 foot tall stack of frawns. (that's the branches with the wonderful fan at the end)
None of you have lived in the desert, so I'll explain palm trees:
Anything that flourishes in the desert (with the exception of Oleander Bushes) have big, huge thorns. The citrus trees, the bouganvilia bushes, agave plants, the bird of paradise bushes, and the wonderful mesquite trees all have thorns. They're 1" long and they stab you to the bone if they have the chance.
I know in pictures palm trees look so "aaaaaaah," like paradise, but up close they are bad mofos. The branches have gnarly, pointy spikes, all along the sides, and the green part is stiff and sharp on the edges. Each time I had to cut a branch I had to hold the saw above my head, because the trees are taller than 5 feet. Sometimes, I had to stand on the only thing I could find which was a bar stool from the garage, so I could reach the branches. I soon figured out it was a swivel stool and as I balanced myself up near the tree, the darn thing started turning!
Once I mastered the art of sawing while turning, things moved a little quicker.
I was thinking to myself, "Hey, I'm doing pretty good! I haven't gotten hurt yet!"
Then a palm frawn fell from the tree and stabbed my hand. One nice puncture, right into the meat. Hurt so bad my hand shook!
I got over it, began cutting again and soon another palm frawn fell into me. This time the spikes went into my right boob. I just stood there and waited for the blood to start. I didn't bleed too bad.
I bandaged everything and finished the job.
Later, as I told Steve about my boob puncture, I expected sympathy. Instead I got, "Oh, it didn't deflate, did it??"

This'll Crack You Up

The uh, future stepmom, whatever she is called (Shay's dad's girlfriend) actually asked me for $200 to help pay for the trip they're taking to Hawaii in October. They're taking her son and Shay with them, and are soliciting donations from both me and her kid's father.
I can't believe she'd ask this, when Shay told her that I was aware of the way she was yelling at him and bad-mouthing me.....
I politely told her that I've got some really big expenses these next two months and paying for their vacation isn't in my budget.